please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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