weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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