My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
