Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
