Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
