Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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