This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
