At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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