walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
