remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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