she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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