She is in my trunk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
