do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
