Your mouth is God's brothel.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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