just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
