Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
