sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
