so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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