There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
