I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
