He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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