I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
