Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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