I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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