Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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