when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
