I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My liver just broke up with me...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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