Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
