I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
