I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
