Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
