Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i out mim tonsoeep
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