Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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