Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
