don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
