i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this just has baby written all over it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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