So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
