If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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