Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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