I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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