she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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