Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
