smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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