Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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