We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
