If that was your dad, he is hot
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
