I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
