I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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