I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
