"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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